September 2011 Archives

If you are in the 40 plus dating group and are single again due to 40 plus datingthe loss of your spouse and you have met someone you think could be one with whom you would consider marriage, you may wonder if the timing is really right for you to make such a decision.

Sometimes people get hung up on how long one should wait after a spouse’s death before considering a remarriage. The length of time since you lost your spouse may or not be an issue as to when you are ready for a new relationship. If your spouse was ill or disabled for a long time before death you may have experienced the loss for a long time before the death. Long before you even thought about the  40 plus dating dating scene

There are some important things you should take into consideration before you take the plunge into  40 plus dating with possible prospect of a new marriage after death of spouse. You must sort out your feelings on the subject very carefully and decide if you are really ready to commit to someone new or for that matter even start dating. Believe it or not there is the very real possibility that you could come to resent the new spouse for trying to take the place of the first one. They may not be but if your first marriage was good and your spouse died suddenly you will make comparisons. This is not fair to your second spouse.

 

You need to be able to let the first spouse go completely. Take the time you need after your spouse’s death to get over that relationship experience the 40 plus dating rituals and fun  . Talk to a professional if need be and learn who you are all by yourself. This will take some time to sort things out. Then you can start to think about re-entering the dating pool.

If your first spouse died while your children were still young then they will need to be taken into consideration, too, before you start dating. You will have to find someone who is willing to take on the responsibility of helping you raise your children.

40 plus dating when you have children

Your children will also need to be willing to let someone new into their lives and be willing to allow someone new the privilege of helping raise them, too. The children should also be in grief counseling to deal with the death of their parent. If the children are grown up, though, then they really do not have a say in the matter. You can tell them about your plans but they should just mind their own business.

40 plus dating and your locale

Other things that you should take into consideration are, where are you going to live? Should you sell the house you shared with your first spouse? Will you have to go to work to help pay the bills? Will your new spouse have to relocate for their job? Will the kids have to learn to make new friends at a new school if you do relocate?

40 plus dating and family decisions

Do not just make decisions and expect that your children will just go along with what you decide. They won’t, they will fight you. You have to keep them in the loop and let them be a part of the decision making process. Let them feel like they are part of this new family, otherwise they will rebel and push everyone away.

40 plus dating and possible blending of familys

One other thing to consider…new traditions will have to be made or meshed together so that everyone is happy in this new marriage after death of spouse.

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Men and women who are in the 40 plus dating group have many things in common with those who are younger when it comes to relationship issues.

 

40 Plus Dating40 plus dating or 20 plus dating couples alike need to consider this. A major thing is that all fail to communicate on issues that are ultimately very important to the success of a long-term relationship. These include, but are not limited to children, money, religion, and in some cases even politics. Now I know that no two people are going to agree on everything, but for a relationship to last there has to be some level of agreement on issues that are important to each person.

Blinded By Love even in The 40 Plus Dating Group

It’s very easy to be blinded by love when we think we have met our perfect potential partner. Things may be going so smoothly in your day to day interactions that you aren’t even aware of the potential conflicts that could result from very significant differences in your core beliefs. To avoid problems in the future have heart to heart talks and determine what you have in common and if compromise is possible on those where you differ.
Let’s look at three areas that most often cause tension and conflict in marriage: religion, children and money:
• Religion Those in the 40 plus dating range have most likely reached some conclusions on this subject. If religion is something that is very important to you, it is probably a good idea to marry someone with similar beliefs. This may not seem important before marriage but living with someone who has no interest in religion or one whose beliefs are totally different can be very difficult.

• Children If you are 40 plus dating you or your potential spouse may have children and they may still be living at home. If this is the case there must be agreement on child raising. Just because you love each other and want to be together doesn’t mean that the children regardless of their ages will be thrilled at this arrangement. Being a step-parent can bring on a whole new batch of stressors. On the other hand, young children as well as grown ones can be excited that the parent has found love and enjoy the new figure in the home.

Before saying “I do” be sure you are in agreement on how things with your children will be handled. Please don’t assume that everything will work itself out for the best. This rarely happens in any situation, especially one that involves children.

On a positive note: I have a friend who is 40 plus with a six year old who calls her step-dad “Honey.” With s little preparation and patience children can adapt and love as well as accept the step parent.

• Money This may be the most sensitive of the three issues if you plan to have joint money. If one of you likes to pinch every penny and the other likes to rack up the credit cards to the limit, you have some serious talking to do. If you don’t settle this issue it will be a constant source of stress between you.

Those who are 40 plus dating and considering marriage need to be sure how the finances will be handled.
Communicate before marriage on the above issues is important not only for those in the 4o plus dating range, but for all couples considering marriage.

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